There’s an odd formula that drives a large part of my character and until recently, I’ve only been semi consciously aware of it.
It goes something like this:
I can almost physically feel my math-loving asian ancestors turning over in their grave as I wrote that formula.
I care too much about the people I care about. I’ve come to believe it’s a character flaw of sorts, which also sounds like the most poorly structured humble brag of the century – but hear me out.
I’d consider myself spiritual, not religious (or at least that’s what I say on my Coffee meets Bagel, or is it the bagel that meets the coffee?) but I have a lot of religious friends and family. I remember one of them telling me how it feels to be religious when you’re surrounded by non-religious people whom you love, and the brightest lightbulb went off.
Let’s get hypothetical.
You know a lot of people that commute to work. Some drive and sit in traffic. Some take public transit and fights off the occasional crazy. And your most hipster of friends walk or bike.
Now let’s say, someone came up to you and said:
Hey Mike Ross, what if you didn’t have to commute to work anymore? I’ve been using this new teleporting technology that only a handful of people know about so far.
Well you would do one of 3 things:
- Assume the person is nuts, on drugs or is trying to scam you and call the cops.
- Ignore the him and gossip to your friends about the crazy teleport guy.
- Try it.
Since we’re still in the hypothetical world, I get to pick which one you do. I choose #3, and you try it.
Then the impossible happens. The friggin teleport machine really works and you got to work without leaving your house.
Now, you’ll likely do one of another 3 things:
- Freak out, think it’s too good to be true (there must be a catch) and go back to your traffic induced commute.
- Go all Gollum-like and keep it to yourself. You know that when more people find out about this, the universe will somehow create teleport traffic and you’re not about that life.
- Share it with all your friends, family and anyone you even remotely like.
I’m going to pick #3 again for you, and here’s where the formula comes in.
Here are your variables: Your best friend spends 2 hours in traffic every single day commuting to work and tells you about it every other day.
I don’t have a calculator on hand but if I had to guesstimate, that would equal out to approximately… a bomb.
Now back to the real world. For my religious folks, based on the 300 words and 3 complex diagrams above, I completely empathize with you.
I have an enormous amount of admiration for the majority of you that don’t verbally vomit all over your loved ones everyday. If I believed in God the same way I believe in things like how someone should job search, I probably wouldn’t have many friends. Because well, I would verbally vomit on them – all the time.
If you’ve ever been a victim of the overbearingness formula (whether it was me or another overbear-er, we’re a rare breed), just know that it comes from a good place – we just want to help because we deeply care about you as a human being. And I promise you we’re all working on it, but for the love of the universe and our collective sanity – just try the damn teleport.